Baby G#3, Preschool, And Updates on the Kiddos

Life is crazy, busy, full of anticipation, and I am just enjoying it before life as I know it gets turned upside down and I have 3 kids under 4 to take care of. The girls keep me busy from about 7:30 am until they go to bed at 8. I have discovered more than ever this summer that I thrive on routine. Some days might feel monotonous, but if you mess with that predictable monotony, I get grumpy. So this summer, our weeks have been filled with a repetition of play time, weekly water park visits with family, housework, baby prep projects, and doctor visits. As usual, we spend lots of mornings out taking a walk, messing around in the garden, filling, cleaning, and refilling the kiddy pool and giving pushes on the swing set. I think Julia would be content to be pushed in her little pink ride-on car (she calls it her "beep beep") or in her swing all day long. Natalie loves helping check on the vegetables and picking whatever happens to have survived all the rain we had in June/July. Things are in a pretty sorry state in the garden at the moment and I'm, well, over it. Pregnant mama has worked hard and couldn't keep up with the persistent Bermuda grass and towering tomato plants that seem to grow another foot and need to be re-staked every few days. There's always next year.

We found out at the end of April that we are expecting another girl! I'll be honest, it took me quite a while to adjust to the news. This pregnancy has been NOTHING like the first two, so I was just sure I was having a boy. But now I am having fun sewing her quilt, making crib sheets and changing pad covers, and even a Christmas stocking. There's no telling when I'll find the time to sew after she arrives, so I might as well get things done while I have a chance. Natalie has named her baby sister Sophia Olaf. Alex and I accepted her choice for a first name, but have made absolutely no progress in picking an acceptable alternative for her middle name.

Tomorrow, we will embark on a new journey as a family: homeschooling. Natalie has been looking forward to preschool for quite a while and soaks up all the information that she can about the world around her. Lately, her interest in letters, sounds, and writing her name has really grown, so I am taking the leap and giving it a go. I am having a very hard time deciding whether or not to do two years of preschool with her because her birthday is so late, or going ahead and starting kindergarten next year. I am a long-term planner, can you tell? The best idea is probably to just wait and see how this whole preschool thing goes and then decide! I am nervous about how our lives are going to change once Sophia is born and I don't want to completely push schooling aside, especially when I know it will be fun and special to spend that time with Natalie. We joined our local homeschool co-op which meets once a week starting in September and has classes for Natalie's age. My social butterfly will love making new friends.

Julia is now 18 months old and is changing quickly from a baby to a full-fledged toddler. Her vocabulary includes about 40 words (not all of which are clear, but close enough that we can interpret what she is trying to communicate), her favorite of which are "I want", "eat", "snack", and "more". Can you guess what her favorite pastime is? Ha ha! The kid can put the food away!!! Her favorite foods are probably raisins, blueberries, cooked carrots, spaghetti, mac n cheese on the rare occasion that she gets it, corn, bananas, applesauce, and yogurt. Really, she loves fruit, cooked veggies, pasta, and sweets, and isn't a fan of most raw veggies and meat unless it is mixed into a soup or casserole or cut up in very tiny pieces and covered in seasoning or sauce. She can sometimes successfully do a forward roll, jumps with both feet off the ground, loves going down slides at the water park and just being in the water in general, story time, dancing, and playing with her big sister. Those two really love each other, which is a huge answer to 9 months of prayer when I was pregnant with Julia. Now I am praying that my three girls will love one another, always include each other, and be like a 3-strand cord that is not easily broken.

Natalie is my big girl. Don't try to tell her she is too little to wear red nail polish (I made that mistake) because she will just tell you, "I am too bigger! I am a big sister!" She keeps an eye on Julia and loves feeling Sophia kick. The other day, she and I were snuggling on the couch at nap time and her back was against my belly. Sophia decided to practice her soccer skills and went a little crazy. Natalie thought it was hilarious getting kicked in the back and the behind by her baby sister. She helps me tremendously from fetching things around the house, to putting things away, helping me grocery shop, picking up after herself, getting herself dressed (even if she does want to change outfits 3 times a day), feeding the dog, getting the mail, and generally being willing to help however I ask her to. She wants mommy and daddy to snuggle with her and rub her back every night before bed. Lately she has been singing along with songs on the radio and it just melts my heart to hear her sing about Jesus. She gets excited when it is my turn to lead worship at church and asks me if I am going to sing. I think there is a good chance that she'll be up there with me some day. Natalie asks me every morning where we are going and who is coming over. If I tell her that we aren't going anywhere or that no one is coming over, she asks to go somewhere and see someone. She loves going to the library, the water park, to her grandparents' houses, to church, and to play with friends. She has been fascinated with ballet for months now and loves wearing tutus, dancing around the house, watching Angelina Ballerina, and watching YouTube videos of real ballet dancers.

So that's life around here in a nutshell. Sophia will make her grand debut in roughly 9 more weeks and then things will really get interesting. I am so nervous about the transition from 2 to 3. Having Julia seemed like a breeze, but now I'm really going to be outnumbered. What if I never get a nap?! I have gotten the hang of the whole two-kids thing and now it's going to change. I just want there to be enough of me to go around and for no one to feel neglected or left out. Despite making progress on a few projects, my to-do list is still a mile long. Some of the things on it aren't important, but it would still be nice to get them done. It'll all come together. And God's grace is sufficient to help me through this next transition!

Pregnancy with Baby G#3

In just under two weeks, we will find out the gender of little baby G#3. It is a lot easier said than done to not get your hopes up one way or the other, but I am trying my best to stay neutral. I will say though that my pregnancy symptoms have been very different this time than they were with both the girls. My sense of smell has been more keen than ever before, my skin has been much clearer than it was with the girls, there has been no tenderness in my chest, I haven't gotten sick at all, but the constant nausea is really getting old. I mean, I'm into my second trimester now and there is no sign of it going away. Those stick out to me as the biggest differences.

At 15 weeks, I feel huge. Not huge and uncomfortable, just bigger than I think I should be at this far along. At my first prenatal appointment, which was at 12 weeks, my doctor said I felt bigger than 12 weeks and ordered an ultrasound to check things out. He said I could come back the following week or two or wait until my next visit in four weeks for the ultrasound since I live 45 minutes away. Since we had already planned to do a gender ultrasound at 16 weeks, I figured I'd just wait until my next appointment and do it all at once. But he has me all worried about twins! Why else would he break his "rule" of not doing an ultrasound before 20 weeks? Surely it is no big deal if a woman measures ahead during her third pregnancy, right? I mean, my uterus knows a thing or two about stretching out at this point and my abdominal muscles are, well, not toned, and may never be again. But surely if he really suspected twins, he wouldn't have me wait four more weeks to find out!? We shall have all those answers soon!

Natalie wants a brother AND a sister, and no matter how you try to explain that there is probably only one baby in there, she still says she wants both and then suggests names like "Sprinkle" (because a friend and I were discussing the concept of  "sprinkles" instead of baby showers) or whatever name Alex says is his favorite at the time. Julia, of course, has no clue what is going on and is more than content to try and climb all over my belly for play time or cuddles as much as her little heart desires. I have realized that it is a wonderful thing that she is so petite compared to Natalie because it would be so much harder to be pregnant with her being so young if she were much heavier. Natalie was Julia's size at just 9 months old!

I realized today after I had gotten the girls loaded into the car and then had to go back into the house to retrieve my keys that despite it being a lot of work to go anywhere with two kids, I have no intention of getting all worked up about how much harder it will be to leave the house with three littles in tow. I don't plan to squeeze in as many outings as I can with just the two of them while I still can, while it is still "easy". I'm just going to live life and enjoy whatever comes and not worry about what I cannot change. If we make it to the park every week for some special play time this summer, then great. If not, then we saved the gas and hopefully had just as much fun playing in the backyard. I suppose maybe I should savor the ability to grocery shop pretty much whenever I want to because I can still take both kids with me and have room in the cart for all our purchases because I don't foresee being able to stay sane while attempting to grocery shop with 3 kids under 4. My grocery shopping habits are pretty much guaranteed to change once the baby is born in order to preserve my sanity and energy.

I know I have done a terrible job at being fully present in the moment and I desperately want to get better about that. Maybe that can be a "pregnancy resolution". I just made that up, but it works. Be present because these years are going to fly by and I don't want to look back with regret. I want to remember as many of the details of my kids' childhood as I can. I only have a few more months with just my two girls and I don't want to forget what that was like. What they were like. Right now, they get excited at the simplest things and live life with such enthusiasm. I want that to rub off on me. What a wonderful way to live!

We Missed You, Daddy!

After a week of torture waiting for Alex to return from his business trip, I finally got to tell him our big news! He was originally supposed to arrive home really late in the evening, so I was going to wait until the following day and tell Natalie the surprise first and then watch as she told him that mommy had a baby in her belly. However, I was worried that she would then tell the entire world our news before we were ready for it to be public knowledge, and Alex ended up coming home several hours earlier, which gave us some down time to catch up with each other before heading to bed. With the extra time together, I knew it was going to kill me to have to stay quiet and stick with my original plan, so I quickly tried to come up with a cute way to tell him without just blurting it out. When he walked in the door, we gave each other a big hug and the idea just came to me. Thank you, Jesus. I followed him around the house like a lost puppy while he slipped in to see the girls in their bedrooms and waited for the right moment. We were cuddled in the recliner and I told him, "We missed you. All five of us." (I was counting Layla) He said, "I missed you, too." *Pause* "Wait. Five of you?...Are you pregnant?" After I said yes, he got this big smile on his face and I told him how I had known for a week and didn't want to stress him out during his trip by telling him before he left. He just shook his head and took it all in. Then he started rationalizing and planning just like I had. We discussed some finances, the need for a vehicle with more room to accommodate three car seats, looked at his preferred SUV online, and I told him how soon we could find out the gender. I'm so glad he is happy and excited! I think he is actually more excited this time than he was the last time, which is kind of crazy to me, but hey, I'll take it! This is the last time there will be a pregnancy to announce, a baby to plan for. We should soak it all in as much as possible! 

In the Midst of Indecision

For months now, I have gone back and forth about having another baby. I had always planned on having four kids, but after Natalie was born, three sounded just fine to me. Then Julia was born. She started out a wonderful sleeper, but that ended at three months and even at 12 months old, she still woke up twice every night (now at 14 months old, she wakes once and recently slept through the night twice in a week! Progress!). From birth, she had a throat-grinding, painful sounding scream that took a very long time for Alex and I to get used to. Her temper is fierce and rises to the surface in an instant when you put her down, put her in the car seat, or when life just generally doesn't go her way. She is cute and smart, bashful and brave, but she hasn't made the should-we-have-another-baby-someday decision very easy. In my mind, I hoped that Alex would come around and agree that one more child would complete our little family and that Lord willing, we could become a family of five when Julia was about two and a half. Then I started getting baby fever. I blame it on Julia turning a year old. All the websites and books and baby updates start labeling your precious babe a "toddler" as soon as that one-year milestone is reached. Alex and I agreed that I was insane for feeling this way, lol. He was by no means ready to consider changing our family dynamic yet, if ever.

A couple of friends are having babies or trying to conceive, which I guess is pretty common when you're still in your twenties. Everyone around you gets married and within a few years, babies start coming and conversations change from buying houses, home decor, what recipes you make that are husband-approved to cycle-charting, morning sickness, labor and delivery plans, nursery decor, to how to get the baby to sleep at night. I think that as a twenty-something woman, it's only natural for me to struggle with family planning since I am still in the midst of that "ideal" time in my life to be having babies and keeping up with toddlers and, now that I have a 3 year old, a preschooler. I have had this conversation with more than a dozen people in recent weeks. "How did you know that you were "done"? Was it hard going from 2 to 3, or 4 or 5...? How long did it take for you and your husband to get on the same page? I'm just not sure. He's just not sure. I want my kids to grow up with siblings..."

Then I realized something wasn't quite right. I took a pregnancy test. And 3 minutes later, the future of our family was decided. Two pink lines appeared. I was pregnant. Me. Who struggled for 11 agonizing months to get pregnant the first time around. Who miscarried the second time. Who has to plan and try and endure the stress and heartbreak of things not happening as quickly as I would like for them to. Got pregnant without planning it. Without "trying".  Holy cow. Um, yeah. I was stunned.

I didn't say anything to Alex because he was leaving for a week-long business trip in two days and I didn't want to blurt out that ready or not, he was going to be a daddy again, but have a great time on your trip and work hard! Good luck concentrating now that I've dropped this bombshell in your lap! I tested again the next day and confirmed that the first test wasn't a fluke. Alex left for his trip the following morning, and I spent the week just dying to tell him every time we talked on the phone. Never mind that he was on his lunch break or getting ready to go sight-see with co-workers or step back into a meeting. I have news to tell you and I want to tell you right now!!! Gah! I did call my doula because she was nearly booked up for Julia's birth month when I called her at 6 or 7 weeks pregnant. She is a vital part of my birth plan, so I couldn't take a risk on her not being able to take me on as a client! 

In the midst of my indecision, I feel like God stepped in and said, "Would you chill out, woman?! I have this all figured out and you just need to relax and trust me. I've got this! This is the plan. Go along with it. It's all going to be ok." So now, 4.5 days later as I'm writing this (although I will post it later), I am feeling excited, nervous, a little stressed, still in shock, but I can't wait to tell Alex. I've been praying for God to prepare his heart. I don't want the memory of the moment I tell him to forever be negative because all he says is, "Well, guess there's nothing we can do about it now. We will never get a full night's sleep again!" or "Oh crap!" Ha! And the detail-lover in me is thinking about the finances, the need for a bigger vehicle to fit 3 car seats across the back seat because there is currently something like a meager 6 inches between Natalie and Julia's car seats right now, where is the baby going to sleep, when should Julia move out of the crib, should she move into Natalie's room or stay in her room with the new baby, what will the grandparents think because I know they think I already have my hands full, who cares what they think, who cares what anybody thinks, how much longer until I can tell more people, don't forget to tell so-and-so, don't forget to take your prenatal vitamins! It's a busy place in my brain right now!

Baby G-3 is due in early October. This is just further proof of God's sense of humor: after I miscarried, we purposely waited to try to conceive again to specifically avoid October as the birth month of our second child because there are 5 family birthdays and 2 anniversaries that month, including ours. God says, "Who cares if your kid has to share a birthday party with their cousins or your anniversary?! Ain't no big thang!" (Yes, God does talk like that, in case you were wondering.) So, here we are, our future mapped out before us. Thank you, Lord, for making the decision easier ;) Seriously. I mean that. 

40 Weeks with Baby #2

This is what 40 weeks looks like! I made it! Now I've officially been pregnant 4 days longer than I was with Natalie and to be honest, it feels really good. Well, good emotionally more than physically. I'm in good spirits, staying busy with house cleaning and sewing. I finished a new nursing cover and am finally almost finished re-covering the glider rocker cushions! Maybe by the end of the day we will have my sewing machine and desk moved out of the nursery?!

 Physically, things have been not so great with all three of us having a 24-hour stomach bug this week. A day of lying on the couch left me feeling really achy. My hips were so sore yesterday morning, but thankfully that eased up after being up and moving around for a few hours. And for weeks now, it has been so hard to roll over in bed! I am looking forward to being able to roll over and stand up without much effort and not having all this weight on my bladder. Yes. I am REALLY looking forward to that!

There is a full moon this week, so I'm hopeful that baby girl will make her grand entrance during that time so that we can finally meet and name her! The baby name book is packed in my hospital bag just in case we need some more inspiration... And can I just say that I am so thankful for Pinterest and it's infinite ideas for newborn photography? I found a super cute idea that I plan to recreate in the hospital. I'm so excited! Well, that's it. 40 weeks seems so surreal! Oh, and since we've moved the nursery, we've done some rearranging in Natalie's room, so I'll post some pics when I finally get around to it!

39 Weeks (Baby #2) & A Trip to the Bounce House

On New Year's Eve, we took Natalie to an inflatables games place for some quality family time. Our plan to feed her lunch and then head out so she would nap in the car during the hour car ride there worked like a charm. Alex stopped to get an oil change first, and she was out by the time it was finished and stayed asleep until we arrived at our destination. Groggy from her nap, it took her a little bit to warm up to the whole idea of the games, but once Alex got her going, she was unstoppable!

 

 She amazed us with how she quickly figured out how to climb the stairs of the inflatable slide all by herself.

 She enjoyed "playing" on the arcade games. I'm very thankful she doesn't yet realize you can put tokens in the games to actually play them and make them move! She was content just pretending to ride them.

 

The face of pure happiness:

After she wore us out (seriously, I was EXHAUSTED from chasing her all over), we took Natalie to Steak 'N' Shake for dinner. She ate every single bite of her food and then "helped" Alex pick out which shake to order.

 She doesn't look impressed, but believe you me, the kid loves her ice cream!

Then she proceeded to eat pretzels and water on the way home and an entire apple when we got home. Little piggy had worked up an appetite after all that playing! We had such a great time!

It's hard to believe that our time with one child is coming to a close. It has been easy to steal snuggles lately since Natalie hasn't been feeling well and wants to be held a lot. Between stomach bugs, sinus congestion, and coughs, our family has been fighting illness on and off since October. I do not want to bring the new baby home to a house full of sickness! I've been dealing with sinus issues since the week before Christmas!

On Saturday, when I turned 39 weeks pregnant, I decided I needed to go ahead and take another belly photo. Bathroom selfies are the "in" thing, right? So, I decided, why not join the bathroom selfie club and snap a picture? Not so easy. One look in the grimy mirror and I started cleaning the bathroom. It needed to be done anyway. Never mind that it was 11 pm!

Natalie came 4 days before her estimated due date, which would be today, if this baby had chosen to follow big sister's footsteps. I'm glad that baby #2 has decided to stay warm and cozy right where she is considering that it is currently 9 degrees outside and our street is a sheet of ice. Tomorrow's high is 40 degrees, so she is welcome to come once the ice melts!

My symptoms have stayed the same. Frequent heartburn, energy that comes and goes, my legs often feel like lead and I get tired easily, no more than 3 Braxton Hicks contractions a day, very minimal swelling of my hands and feet. Baby is still moving around like she has all kinds of room in there. I don't quite know how she's managing that, but I'm enjoying feeling her on the inside while I still can.

With the weather being so cold and icy, Alex worked from home yesterday and I got a TON of cleaning done around the house. Maybe that was my "burst of energy" before going into labor? Not sure how soon before labor you usually get that burst, so who knows. We rearranged some of Natalie's bedroom furniture to make room for a play tent, I vacuumed most of the house, did quite a few loads of laundry, scrubbed some floors, dusted the living room, took a nap, and made dinner. I don't think there's much more to be done before we bring our baby girl home, and if it's not done at this point, I really don't care if it gets done. Life will go on! Besides, I'd rather enjoy time with Natalie than be busy cleaning during her every waking moment right now!

38 Weeks with Baby #2

Today was my last Monday of babysitting our nieces until well after the baby is born, so I asked our 8-year old niece to take a belly pic for me. My camera is clearly not behaving lately since this picture is just as fuzzy as the last one. Dagnabit!

Out of fear of forgetting something important, I finally wrote down my pre-baby to-do list and starting tacking projects. In two days, I have packed our hospital bag, washed covers for the car seat, swing, bouncer, play gyms and cradle mattress, started recovering the cushions for the glider rocker (a project that has been in the making since I was pregnant with Natalie. Oops!), cleaned the laundry room, and written out a few Scriptures to look at for encouragement during labor. Alex brought the cradle down for me today and Natalie immediately climbed into it. She looked pretty darn cute, but I made her get out and suggested she put her baby doll in it instead. She went and got her doll, laid her down in the cradle and proceeded to rub the baby's back like I do to her. She sure knows how to melt my heart, and she's been doing a good job of it lately, too. Whenever I bend down to get in a lower cabinet or something, she'll come over and rub my back and then give me a hug and a kiss. Sometimes she even asks, "You ok, Mama?" Precious. I decided to cuddle with her in her toddler bed tonight, a feat easier accomplished in a larger bed or without a big belly in the way, and she started rubbing my arm. I tried to get up at one point, and she sat up and pushed my head back down to the pillow. Guess she wasn't ready for me to leave her just yet! I'm soaking up the cuddles and making sure to try and take advantage of opportunities to show her that she is special and I'm here for her. With all the changes that have already happened and the ones getting ready to take place, I want to help her feel safe and secure instead of anxious.

Once we get the car seat installed and bags packed for Natalie to take to my parents' and for the baby, I think all the necessary things will be done. I have a laundry list of sewing projects that I'd like to tackle, but we shall see about those.

I've had a couple Braxton Hicks contractions the last two days and plenty of heartburn as soon as I eat sugar. And have I mentioned how badly I've craved sweets?!

Tomorrow, we are taking Natalie back to an inflatable games place we first went to back in February. The plan is to feed her lunch and then let her nap in the car on the hour-long ride there. I hope she enjoys it as much as she did when she was 14 months old. She really surprised me back then. I thought she'd be intimidated by it all, but she was my little wild child, running around as fast as her little legs would take her. I'm really looking forward to having some good quality family time before Alex heads back to work Thursday and our family of 3 becomes 4.  Hopefully the camera will cooperate tomorrow and we can get some good pictures to remember the day by, too!

37 Weeks with Baby #2

I have been entirely too lazy with the belly pictures this time around. Weeks go by where I think about taking one and put it off again and again. I finally bit the bullet and took this one, and of course, it is fuzzy! 37 wks 3 days with still-nameless-baby-girl-Godin:

We put all the Christmas decorations away today because I was just too eager to get the baby gear out. Natalie immediately tried to climb into the baby's swing, but I convinced her to let her new baby doll go for a ride in it instead. She got a new doll for her birthday and is obsessed with it and enjoys trying to feed it her food, letting her sit in the booster seat, high chair, training potty, etc. I think she is going to really enjoy having a real baby in the house, but I am going to have to watch her like a hawk to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous! Recently, a friend came over with her 2.5 month old baby and Natalie managed to pick the baby up off the couch when we were distracted. Talk about a heart attack!

Pregnancy has been enjoyable for the most part. My ribs have been behaving better recently and not causing me as much discomfort. Heartburn started up a couple weeks ago, but it's not horrible. Our last ultrasound at 35 weeks showed that this little one has hair like her big sister! My feet swell just a little bit at the end of days when I've been standing a lot, but that's not bad either. Over all, I feel really good. I just want this precious little one to be healthy and take her time. Well, maybe not too much time...41 or 42 weeks of pregnancy would surely test my emotional and physical strength! I feel very blessed to have a wonderful doctor who believes in God's intelligent design for a woman's body to successfully deliver babies and is supportive of my desire for a natural delivery. We're praying that our doula will be able to assist us in my labor despite having 3 other mothers due the same day as me. She made such a tremendous difference when I was laboring to bring Natalie into the world and we can't imagine going through labor again without her guidance.

These last few weeks are going to pass all too quickly. As excited and nervous and eager and anxious as I am to meet my new daughter, I do not want to be too busy or distracted by a to-do list or my own thoughts to spend quality time with Natalie before she has to share me with a sibling. Alex had to use up the last of his vacation time before the end of the year, so he is home with us until Jan 2 and then he'll be taking time off when the baby is born, so we have the opportunity now to make some good family memories with Natalie. She is at such a fun age, despite some recent challenges with nap and bedtime routines and general discipline. God is faithful and will give us the wisdom we ask for when dealing with her. I just really hope we ALL handle the coming transition smoothly. Sleep deprivation and hormone swings make me the most nervous, but it will all be ok. Millions of other mothers have gone through it before me, so I can get through it, too! Hallelujah!

A Big Ol' Brain Dump aka Pregnancy Dreams and Natalie-isms

Women talk about having some off-the-wall dreams during pregnancy and this time around, I have been no exception. At first, I had all nightmares, but lately my dreams just seem to be unbelievably random and well, kind of funny. I thought it might be nice to document them just so I could look back someday and remember what it was like to be pregnant with baby #2.

Two nights ago, I dreamed I married Daniel Boone. As in, the famous wilderness explorer/pioneer, Daniel Boone. Yeah. I hadn't watched any documentaries or anything that would have triggered that in my subconscious, so it must be those wacky pregnancy hormones! ;)

Before that, I had a dream that Tina Fey came to my house for my birthday along with a bunch of friends and their dogs. One friend has a HUGE Great Dane, by the way. It was a crazy party!

I started to write about the nightmare dreams, but I just can't do it. I don't think I'll ever want to remember those down the road. Lots of tragedy and sadness. No fun. So, on to a happier subject!

Natalie has been full of hilarious and/or cute anecdotes lately. Even though we are in the full-fledged tantrum-throwing phase, she can still be quite charming most of the time. Yesterday, after wearing out my nerves with incessant crying and whining for over an hour after waking from her nap, I heard her in the kitchen behind me as I was making dinner, saying all of her grandparents' names and the word "cousins". I turned around and she had her hands clasped together in front of her and then she said, "Night night. Amen." My sweet girl was praying for her family! It was the most precious thing ever!

Earlier this week, I dug out some books that I'd put away for when Natalie was old enough for them. I introduced her to Clifford, the Big Red Dog and well, she loved him. I read one book through and then she proceeded to "read" it herself, saying "Cifford" (no 'l') about every other word. She babbled on and on for a good long time.

Natalie repeats every. single. thing. she hears and sometimes it's just too darn cute. A couple of weeks ago I exclaimed in exasperation, "You are driving me nuts!" and Natalie said, "Nuts!" and ran to the pantry. I had to laugh and then deal with the mom guilt from saying that to her. She has discovered cashews and loves them. And she has an insatiable appetite these days, so it is like a constant feeding fest over here.

Baby girl wants to be held. A LOT. So she holds out her hands as if she expects you to hand her something, not like she wants to be picked up, if that makes sense, and then says, "Hole-jer?" I think she's saying "Hold her?" It's funny how she doesn't know to refer to herself as "I" and "me" yet, although I am in no hurry for her speech to develop to that point. We understand most of what she says and it's just sad when toddlers start speaking in full sentences, sounding like big kids!

I know there are more cute things that have happened lately, but my memory fails me. Natalie is in bed for the night and this mama needs to get busy sewing Christmas presents! My sewing machine awaits...

The Long Overdue Baby #2 Update

It's amazing how my blog post titles continue to get more and more un-creative...

It's also amazing what a poor job of documenting this pregnancy I've done...

But, alas, I finally took a belly pic and am posting it here for the world to see!

It's true what they say about showing earlier with your second baby. I feel like my belly has been noticeable since the middle of my first trimester. Maternity pants have been a must for at least a month and a half now, if not longer, but I'm still trying to make some non-maternity shirts work (see belly pic above, lol).

I've been taking fewer naps these days, although it's more out of stubbornness to enjoy some peace, quiet, and "me" time while Natalie naps and not because my energy has completely returned. It's getting there though. I started taking an iron tonic earlier in the week since I have always been borderline anemic and wanted to hopefully get a good report on my iron screening at my next doctor's appointment. The reviews of the tonic said it also gave lots of people energy, so here's hoping that the same will ring true for me!

Baby girl move around quite a bit, but is still wreaking havoc on my sciatic nerve on my right side. Chiropractic and prenatal massage haven't entirely helped the discomfort, but this too shall pass. I'm so grateful for my doula, Mattie and her beyond wonderful massages.

I'm craving sweets even more than usual, so bring on the Moose Tracks ice cream and apple pie!!! I made 2 pies this month - one for my birthday and one for company. Can't get enough apple pie! It's my favorite! I really do want to get the sweet cravings under control, so I stocked up on fruit at the grocery store yesterday and am going to try to make myself snack on that instead of the aforementioned Moose Tracks decadence.

Natalie is starting to catch on to the idea of there being a baby in my belly. Today, she patted my belly and said, "Baby!" out of the blue. I'm so looking forward to her being a big sister! I've been praying this whole time that my girls will be best friends from day one. Despite the fact that Natalie is a light sleeper, in my heart, I want her to share a room with the new baby, so we've rearranged the furniture a little to better accommodate the toddler bed being in the nursery. We'll see how it goes! Alex and I just started working on turning my office/craft room (the 3rd bedroom) into a combined office for the two of us, so that's even more motivation to make the kids' bedroom sharing work since it will allow us to keep our office set up until the day we (possibly) have a 3rd baby.

We have pretty much resigned ourselves to the idea of waiting until the baby is born to give her a name. We have a short list of contenders, and I'm sure hoping that one of them is THE ONE, otherwise, well, we're sunk. We have had SUCH a hard time agreeing on possibilities. It seems strange not having a name for her yet since Natalie had a name from day one. But, whoever she is, I'm excited to meet her and snuggle her close! Personalizing anything for her will just have to wait...

And speaking of that, a friend just gave birth to her third baby girl yesterday morning and she and her husband are still in the process of choosing the perfect name for her. I finally learned how to crochet edging on a receiving blanket, so I made one for the new baby.

My best friend's mom made two of these blankets for Natalie and they are now both mine and her favorite blankets. They are so generously sized that they can swaddle a newborn securely and still cover up a sleeping toddler. She gave me some pointers and after reading a few tutorials and ripping out a lot of mistakes, I finally figured it out. I have a blanket in progress for our new baby, too. Only 15 more weeks, give or take, and she'll be here! Man, that doesn't sound like much time. Eek! Have so much to do between now and then!

How I Found Out About Baby #2

In case you missed it, here's the pregnancy reveal post I wrote yesterday. I'm writing this weeks before I'll actually publish this post so that I don't forget any details. Sometime after our miscarriage in January, I started having this feeling that our next baby would be due in January (2014). That thought just wouldn't go away. I wondered if it was God whispering to me about His plans for our family's future, but, to be honest, I still doubted because I didn't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed if things happened differently. That's how this whole waiting-to-get-pregnant process has been for me. It's like a repeating cycle of vulnerability, hope, anticipation, and then putting on protective armor to shield your heart from the pain of disappointment and uncertainty. This second time around has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but still not nearly as much as it was before I got pregnant with Natalie. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't stress out about it like that again this time because ultimately, things truly do work out in God's timing. I know my journey doesn't look like anyone else's journey. So, the month came when I knew that if I did get pregnant, we would have a January baby. And things just felt different in my heart. I had a stronger positive outlook. I kept the doubt at bay, for the most part (again, putting up that protective shield in case my "intuition" was wrong).

Well, on a Thursday night, two days before I had told myself that I would take a pregnancy test, I went to bed super early because I was just really tired, and then I woke up super nauseated when Alex came to bed later. I managed to fall back to sleep, but woke up again at 4 and was really sick. Like, stomach bug sick. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take the pregnancy test at 4 a.m. Just a few seconds after the control line appeared, the test line appeared, forming that so deeply-desired plus sign.

Maybe it was because I physically felt so ill, but I didn't have nearly the same reaction this time as I did when I got a positive test with Natalie. I was excited and thanked God and vowed that I would not let my mind run wild, preventing me from sleeping the rest of the night (I still barely slept anyway because I kept getting sick). I think the thought of another early miscarriage happening a few days down the road probably factored in, too. After all, that was precisely why I was going to wait a few more days to test in the first place, but curiosity is a powerful thing!

After a rough night, my mom took Natalie later in the morning to help me out. I was pretty sure that I did indeed have a virus and not just really early on-set morning sickness, and tried to play it off as such to my parents. With Mother's Day just a little over a week away, I thought for sure that I could wait that long to surprise our moms with the news. And, I hadn't even told Alex yet! He'd been in a hurry to get to work that morning, so I figured it would be best to wait until after he got home so he wouldn't have the news of a new baby on his mind all day while he was trying to wrap up his work week.

My mom brought Natalie home for her nap and than a good friend took her to dinner before Alex got home so that I could rest some more. I wrote a quick note and taped it, along with the pregnancy test, to the cover of a baby name book I bought last summer and stuck them down in the most gender-neutral baby shower gift bag I had left from Natalie's baby showers. When Alex came home, I asked him to come sit next to me on the couch and he said, "But I don't want to catch whatever you have" and I said, "I don't think you can catch what I have" and I pulled the gift bag out and handed it to him. He was excited, but reserved about it being so early. Then he made a crack about having another winter baby. Oy vey. I just replied that if we had another girl, she could wear Natalie's hand-me-downs to save money and if we have a boy, well, we'd have to buy boy clothes anyway!

So there you have it! That's how I found out I was expecting baby #2!

Lately...

Lately, I've been cherishing all the cuddles, hugs, smiles, giggles and all other adorableness this cutie wants to dish out my way. She is just growing up way too fast:

Playing with her cousins' tinker toys in PA in May

 

I've been snacking frequently on garlic-lover's hummus, my new-found food addiction (Warning: You'll be keeping vampires and husbands away with your garlic breath after you indulge! Haha!). I got mine at Aldi. Pair with garlic, Parmesan, and herb pita chips and you're.in.heaven.

I've been spending more time doing this during Natalie's nap time:

Source

So, life is pretty good right now. Snuggles, snacking, and sleeping sounds like a mom's dream come true, right? Well, another dream is coming true because I'm expecting baby #2! I'll share more details in another post, but I found out the good news the weekend before Mother's Day and am due January 11, 2014. This pregnancy has been fairly similar to my pregnancy with Natalie. Lots of nausea, exhaustion, a few food aversions and lots of excitement! God is soooo good!!!

He Give and Takes Away; Blessed Be His Name

I don't know why certain things don't happen the way we planned them. I could get all caught up in asking, "Why?", but that won't really get me anywhere. Sometimes it just not for us to know. But, what I do know is that God's ways are not my ways (Isaiah 55:8). His plans for my life are not plans to harm me, but to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11). And He came so that I may have life and life abundantly (John 10:10).

Last week, I found out I was pregnant and then four days later it was confirmed that I had miscarried. It all happened so fast. At the first signs of trouble, I was praying and trying to speak life over the situation. I kept praying that this baby would live, but, clearly, that was not meant to be. It was devastating. My dream of how our family was going to grow was ripped apart. Our kids would have been 21 months apart, which was within my "ideal time frame." I was going to be due in September, so Alex and I would both share birthday months with one of our children.  It only took 4 months to conceive instead of 11 long months like it did with Natalie. I was going to pregnant at the same time as several close friends. But despite how perfectly it all seemed to have come together, God had other plans.

It was amazing to me how quickly peace and calm returned to me. I have wonderful friends and family that started praying at the first sign of trouble and God answered. If there's one thing that I learned while I was waiting to get pregnant with Natalie it is that God's timing is perfect. If right now isn't the time for us to expand our family, then that means that there is a time in the future that is better, and I'm ok with that. As much as I'd like to analyze the situation and pick the "perfect" month for our next child to be born so that there aren't ten other family events or holidays going on during the same month, in the grand scheme of things, that won't matter. I'm going to be thrilled when I find out I am expecting again and will greatly anticipate meeting that precious little one, whenever they will be born.

The thought that keeps occurring to me is abundant life. Abundant means abounding, rich, to have plenty. Despite what the circumstances around me are, I choose to live a rich life. I want it to be full-to-the-brim, spilling over and touching others so that they might find abundance, too. I want to be intentional with my time. That includes personal time, time with Natalie and Alex, friends, and other family. Life is too short to dwell on things that I cannot change and get stuck asking why certain things didn't turn out like I planned. I'm blessed beyond measure with an amazing family, a precious daughter, and abundant grace given by a sovereign Lord who loves me just the way I am. I am thankful to have gotten a good report from my doctor today that there is no reason to be concerned and we can go on planning our family without worrying about health complications.

"The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord" Job 1:21 KJV

37 Weeks, Wherein the Pregnancy Hormones Kick In

Today begins my 37th week of pregnancy. Gosh, that sounds like an eternity, but it has kind of flown by in a way. Until this past weekend, I'd pretty much felt like my same old self in the emotions department. No crazy mood swings, no crying fits, not even a craving (well, one day I craved nachos and french bread pizza, but other than that one day, I haven't craved anything!). Then on Saturday I started feeling overwhelmed about my pending motherhood. I tried to cross a few things off my "to-do before the baby comes" list and didn't get very far. Our hospital bags needed to be packed, but when I tried to pack Natalie's bag, I didn't know what to put in it for her. What if I left out something important? How many outfits did she need? Would the hospital supply diapers? So, feeling overwhelmed and like a horrible parent, I gave up and moved on to pack my bag.

Things didn't go any better there. So much laundry needed to be washed that I decided it would be better to wait to pack. In the middle of watching tv later that night, I looked at my growing belly and thought, "There's a baby in there, and she's getting ready to come out and I don't know what I'm going to do when she's here and I have to take care of her! I can't do this! It's too late to turn back now, but WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A BABY!? I'M NOT READY FOR THIS!!!" I'd had my longest bout of Braxton Hicks earlier that afternoon after Christmas and grocery shopping for 3 hours. I think that experience kind of scared me a little because of the fear of the unknowns of labor.

Today, the emotions ran high again as I worried over a situation that I have no control over and stressed out about how and why I'd committed myself to so many crafting projects for other people that needed to be done before Christmas. After a few crying spells, lots of prayer, talks with friends and un-committing myself to one project, the day got better and now here I am. Layla is cuddled up with me on the couch and I'm relaxing to the sound of the dryer running. Alex was kind enough to play photographer for me once again so that we could capture this week's baby bump shot:



Our doula, Mattie, measured me at 33 weeks at my 36 week appointment, but she said that was nothing to worry about. Natalie's heart rate was 144 bpm, which is a little slower than average for a girl, but maybe that means she has her daddy's laid back personality. She's moving around a lot still and likes to kick her feet out against my right side. Maybe she'll enjoy playing soccer like I did. I'm not at all anxious to get this over with. I want her to stay in there and grow healthy and strong for a few more weeks, but hopefully no longer than three! I couldn't have asked for a better pregnancy. God has blessed us so abundantly; I refuse to take His blessings for granted by wishing this time away. Before I know it, my life will never be the same and there will be no going back to being a family of two. I want to enjoy these last few weeks and put aside the worries that tried to bog me down the past couple of days. God is bigger than all of that stuff anyway.

20 Week Ultrasound

On Tuesday, we went to the doctor for our 20-week ultrasound. I'm halfway through this pregnancy already...could someone please tell me where time has gone?! It was such a blessing to watch the ultrasound technician type the word "normal" into every category that she checked during the anatomy scan. Head, heart, kidneys, bladder, diaphragm, spinal column, placenta, brain, everything was in place, functioning, growing, just as God designed it to. That's an answered prayer. Here's the latest look at our precious baby girl!

 

She was moving her arms up and down and it looked like she was smiling at us! Granted, at 20 weeks, she still doesn't quite look human in the 3D ultrasound; head on she looked scary, but from this angle, she looked cuter, lol.

I went out to breakfast with a dear lady from church this morning and she gave me the cutest outfit from DaySpring for Natalie. I literally cannot wait for her to wear it.


It says, "Your love, oh Lord, reaches to the heavens". LOVE!!! And another dear friend gave me my baby shower gift a little early today...our first cloth diapers! I'm so excited it's ridiculous. Two FuzziBunz all-in-ones and a pack of newborn prefolds! I showed them to Alex and he kind of just raised an eyebrown and said, "Hmmm", but at least that's better than a, "Good luck with that," or something smart. It's so much fun to receive gifts for Natalie. My lifelong friend, Boo, sent her a super cute polar fleece jacket this week for when she's a little older. It's like Christmas around here! I've got to get in that giving spirit and figure out what to do for a baby shower later this month. There are way too many cute baby craft ideas out there! Hope you're enjoying this beautiful weekend!

How Do I Say This?

God is just so GOOD! That's all there is to it. I've thought of a million different ways to write this post, but I think straight-forward is just gonna have to do instead of something fancy and creative. I'm pregnant! We found out April 16th at just 3 weeks and 5 days along. Now I'm 11 weeks and had my first official pre-natal visit today. My doctor normally doesn't do ultrasounds until 20 weeks, but I think he wanted to let Alex see the baby for himself so that it seemed real, so he scheduled an earlier u/s for us. Here's the first peek at baby Godin!!!!!:


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The heartbeat was 167 beats/minute, which is on the high end (wives' tales say that girls have faster heartbeats, but we'll see!). It was such a dream come true to look at our precious baby up on that screen. We saw the heartbeat for a split second and then got to hear it. What an amazing sound!!! It was music to my ears!

I'm due on Christmas Day, which might seem like a bummer to some, but it is such confirmation that things happened in God's timing. About 5 years ago, while we were still dating, Alex and I picked out a boy and girl name. Our girl name, Natalie, means, "born on Christmas Day". I don't want to jump to conclusions that we're having a girl, but how cool would that be?! I'll be super excited with either a boy or a girl. If baby G is a boy, we want to name him Nathan. Middle names are still up in the air because Alex has always hated the idea of middle names (loooong story), but I'm determined to convince him to give our baby a middle name or else I'll sneak one onto the birth certificate! ;)

So far, I've been nauseous all day long, but have still been able to eat everything except onions and sharp cheddar cheese, and breakfast. Apparently the baby doesn't agree that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Even though I've been really tired during the day, I usually get a second wind once I get home in the evening. I told my boss my news a few weeks ago and am going to tell my co-workers tomorrow with the ultrasound pictures. I wonder if they've already figured it out? Thank goodness babydoll-style shirts are in style since they hide a lot!

Alex and I have both enjoyed keeping track of the baby's development with babycenter.com's email updates, but I've really enjoyed reading Praying Through Your Pregnancy by Jennifer Polimino and Carolyn Warren. Each chapter covers one week of the baby's development and shows you different ways to pray over your baby. For example, when hands and feet are forming, you pray for them to grow properly, but also that your child would grow to use their hands and feet to serve others and live out the Gospel. It even includes chapters on how to pray while you're waiting to conceive.

For so long it seemed like we would never get pregnant, but now I'm so thankful that things worked out the way they have. It seems cliche, but it's so true that God's timing is perfect and His plans are perfect. Waiting is so hard, but without the waiting, I might not have learned things about the Lord that He wanted me to see. My eyes were opened to have compassion towards couples struggling with infertility. I don't want to take the next 7 months for granted because I've waited a lifetime for them.

Grateful for Gideon

I went to the doctor today because of concerns about possible thyroid issues and not being able to conceive after 11 months of trying. Several friends and my sister in law have all been to this particular doctor and have had very positive things to say about him. This was actually my second visit, but today he had a more profound impact on me than my first impression. Before I get into what I really want to write about, I didn't get any definite answers to why I'm tired all. the. time. But, he wants to do blood work soon to rule out thyroid issues and anemia. And he was really encouraging about us starting a family, even though it's taking longer than I ever imagined. We're going to give it a few more months before moving forward with a specialist.

During our visit, the doctor kept quoting Scripture and relayed the story of Gideon to us. He said, "If you had gotten pregnant right away, you might have taken the glory for yourselves, instead of giving the glory to God. Gideon started out with an army of 32,000 men and the enemy had an army of 135,000. God knew that when Gideon defeated the Midianites, he would take all the credit himself. 'Look what a good leader I am! I led these men to victory against this huge army!' But God had different plans. In the end, God whittled down Gideon's army to just 300 men and led them to victory in a battle that would have been 450 men to 1. God got all the glory for it, too." Our doctor encouraged us to trust God and relinquish all control to Him so that He gets all the glory when we become parents. I like the sound of that a lot.

He also quoted Isaiah 40:31, "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength...they will run and not grow weary...". He explained that the word "wait" in this scripture was talking about someone with their hands bound together, unable to break free or do anything. They have to wait for someone else to come and set them free. We are helpless except to wait upon the Lord to move. When He is ready, He will come and set us free, but in the meantime, during the waiting, we must hold on to hope and be renewed! We must trust that He will be faithful to rescue us! Through the waiting, there is refreshing. Strength rising as we wait upon the Lord. The part about running and not growing weary ties right in with another Scripture that I've been standing on: Hebrews 12:1-3, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Throughout this past year, I have had such highs and lows. Twenty five of my friends, family and co-workers have either had a baby or become pregnant. It's been a hard pill to swallow at times, seeing them so full of excitement and anticipation, preparing for the changes to come. It's especially hard to listen to them complain about feeling like a whale or having indigestion or getting to those last few weeks and praying that the baby would come early so they wouldn't be miserable anymore because I'd give anything to be big, fat and pregnant right now if it meant I'd have a sweet baby in my arms as a result. Sometimes I've thought my pms symptoms were those of pregnancy and have enjoyed feeling nauseous because it meant that my dream might be coming true.

Even though I'm still in the process of waiting and my hands are tied until God says, "It's time!", I want to give Him the glory now. If it weren't for these past 11 months, I wouldn't have this compassion for women who struggle with infertility. I wouldn't have this kind of relationship with God and started praying Scripture over my family and myself. I wouldn't have met this wonderful doctor whom I'm greatly looking forward to delivering my baby. I might not have cherished these last few months of "singleness" with Alex and let them slip by, taken for granted. I wouldn't have learned all the many lessons that God wants me to understand through all of this.

Thank you, Lord, for the times of waiting. Even though it's so hard to be patient and it's so easy to get caught up in a pity party of despair, You give me hope. You have good plans for my life, not plans to harm me. I rejoice in You in the midst of sorrow because You are still in control. I give You all the glory and praise for being with me in this season, because a time of harvest is coming and it's going to be awesome!

Encouragement From The Story Of Hannah

My heart is so full, I don't know where to begin! My friend, Callie, has been a huge encouragement to me during a time when my body hasn't been working right, I've been stressed out, trying to praise God through the storm and stay positive that God's plan will prevail. Tonight, Callie shared a link with me for a sermon on Hannah and motherhood. (Here's the link to the sermon, and it's a free download) I listened to the message as I prepared beef stew for a crockpot dinner for tomorrow night. I was vaguely familiar with the story of Hannah, but now I know so much more than I did before! It just hit me that 1) God puts the right people in your life at the right time, as only He can do and 2) How crazy awesome is it that a women who lived thousands of years ago went through the same thing as me and God cared enough to put her story in His Word to encourage me today?!

I've always wanted to be a mom. Ever since I was probably 6 or 7 years old, I've counted down the years until I thought I might be married and have a family. Sometimes, it seems like fewer and fewer women my age look forward to being moms for various reasons and I feel kinda like a weirdo for having such an insatiable desire to have children. It breaks my heart and infuriates me all at the same time when people, especially Christians, tell me that I can't afford to raise more than two kids or that it's just so difficult to have a "big" family. I'm not going to go down that path because this post will never end...

Hannah had an insatiable desire to have children, too, but she was barren. Her husband loved her and understood her pain and sadness, but he still decided to marry another woman who could give him children. Still, Hannah prayed and believed for a child, and God heard her and she had Samuel. And she rejoiced! Oh, how she praised the Lord! And then, God gave her 3 more sons and two daughters. I don't want to lose faith. I want to rejoice in all things, like Hannah. Sure, she wept, she was sad, she probably threw herself a huge pity party once in a while, too. She and I would have probably been good friends. Her story gives me so much hope, that, even though I struggle to stay positive sometimes, even though I have bad moments where I can't stop crying, God has the perfect plan for me and Alex and that we will become parents in His perfect timing. Looking back, I'm glad that things didn't happen the way we thought they would. God has used these last few months to teach me so much about my attitude, relationships and more. And I'm so thankful to have awesome friends there beside me to encourage me, pass down maternity clothes and baby gear for when my time comes, share Scriptures and sermons, and pray with me. God truly puts the right people in our path right when we need them, and for those people, I am so grateful.