Pregnancy with Baby G#3

In just under two weeks, we will find out the gender of little baby G#3. It is a lot easier said than done to not get your hopes up one way or the other, but I am trying my best to stay neutral. I will say though that my pregnancy symptoms have been very different this time than they were with both the girls. My sense of smell has been more keen than ever before, my skin has been much clearer than it was with the girls, there has been no tenderness in my chest, I haven't gotten sick at all, but the constant nausea is really getting old. I mean, I'm into my second trimester now and there is no sign of it going away. Those stick out to me as the biggest differences.

At 15 weeks, I feel huge. Not huge and uncomfortable, just bigger than I think I should be at this far along. At my first prenatal appointment, which was at 12 weeks, my doctor said I felt bigger than 12 weeks and ordered an ultrasound to check things out. He said I could come back the following week or two or wait until my next visit in four weeks for the ultrasound since I live 45 minutes away. Since we had already planned to do a gender ultrasound at 16 weeks, I figured I'd just wait until my next appointment and do it all at once. But he has me all worried about twins! Why else would he break his "rule" of not doing an ultrasound before 20 weeks? Surely it is no big deal if a woman measures ahead during her third pregnancy, right? I mean, my uterus knows a thing or two about stretching out at this point and my abdominal muscles are, well, not toned, and may never be again. But surely if he really suspected twins, he wouldn't have me wait four more weeks to find out!? We shall have all those answers soon!

Natalie wants a brother AND a sister, and no matter how you try to explain that there is probably only one baby in there, she still says she wants both and then suggests names like "Sprinkle" (because a friend and I were discussing the concept of  "sprinkles" instead of baby showers) or whatever name Alex says is his favorite at the time. Julia, of course, has no clue what is going on and is more than content to try and climb all over my belly for play time or cuddles as much as her little heart desires. I have realized that it is a wonderful thing that she is so petite compared to Natalie because it would be so much harder to be pregnant with her being so young if she were much heavier. Natalie was Julia's size at just 9 months old!

I realized today after I had gotten the girls loaded into the car and then had to go back into the house to retrieve my keys that despite it being a lot of work to go anywhere with two kids, I have no intention of getting all worked up about how much harder it will be to leave the house with three littles in tow. I don't plan to squeeze in as many outings as I can with just the two of them while I still can, while it is still "easy". I'm just going to live life and enjoy whatever comes and not worry about what I cannot change. If we make it to the park every week for some special play time this summer, then great. If not, then we saved the gas and hopefully had just as much fun playing in the backyard. I suppose maybe I should savor the ability to grocery shop pretty much whenever I want to because I can still take both kids with me and have room in the cart for all our purchases because I don't foresee being able to stay sane while attempting to grocery shop with 3 kids under 4. My grocery shopping habits are pretty much guaranteed to change once the baby is born in order to preserve my sanity and energy.

I know I have done a terrible job at being fully present in the moment and I desperately want to get better about that. Maybe that can be a "pregnancy resolution". I just made that up, but it works. Be present because these years are going to fly by and I don't want to look back with regret. I want to remember as many of the details of my kids' childhood as I can. I only have a few more months with just my two girls and I don't want to forget what that was like. What they were like. Right now, they get excited at the simplest things and live life with such enthusiasm. I want that to rub off on me. What a wonderful way to live!

Julia's Birth Story

I finally finished writing Julia's birth story, but be forewarned, it's a long one (What can I say? I'm a detail person!). Julia was "due" Saturday, January 11. Even though that day came and went with no signs of labor, I wasn't too terribly antsy about still being pregnant. Everyone at church on Sunday commented about what she was going to come and I'd tell them that I hoped the full moon later that week would bring her. To help pass the time, I sewed a valance for the nursery window using the leftover fabric from the baby quilt my mom is making and worked on cleaning out more of my crafting supplies and the desk from the nursery.

On Wednesday the 15th, I started having very mild cramping throughout the day and was hopeful that it meant real labor was imminent. Early Thursday morning, around 4:30, Natalie climbed into bed with us, once again, but I couldn't stay asleep because more painful contractions kept coming every so often. Finally, around 6:30, I got up because I couldn't sleep and began timing the contractions on Alex's phone using a contraction timer app (gotta love technology!). Because the pain wasn't unbearable yet, I figured it was as good a time as any to finally sew a nursing camisole, so I did that while Natalie ate her breakfast. What else do you do during early labor?! Unlike my labor with Natalie, which was just back labor, I was feeling the contractions in the front and the back. It was really hard for me to find a semi-comfortable position during the pain. They kept coming 2-4 minutes apart, but were only lasting 30-45 seconds (or so I thought). I called my doula, M, and let her know what was going on and cancelled my doctor's appointment that was supposed to have been later that morning. Then I went to the bathroom and saw more evidence that things were progressing. My mom came and picked Natalie up around 10:30. Alex and I tidied the house and then I got in the tub to try to help with the pain. After a while in the tub, I felt like things had slowed down, and I was getting bored, so I got out. Many women find water to be helpful for pain management during labor, but it just seems to slow my labors more than anything.

I had made arrangements for my mother-in-law to pick M up and bring her to our house and she arrived around 1:30 p.m. As she watched me having contractions, she felt my stomach and said the contractions were lasting longer than the 30-45 seconds that I thought they were. I had only been timing the painful part, but my stomach was staying hard longer, making them around a minute long. That was encouraging! Now I felt like we were really getting somewhere. By 2:00, I was having back-to-back contractions that were increasingly painful, so M checked me and I was about 3.5 cm dilated and we decided to head to the hospital. My goal was to labor at home longer than I did with Natalie and avoid getting to the hospital so early that they send me home. No woman wants to make a 45-minute car ride to the hospital more than once! We grabbed a plastic tablecloth and some towels, all our bags, and the infant car seat and headed out. Thankfully, I didn't have as many contractions in the car, so the ride wasn't as awful as I thought it might be. We did have to make a pit-stop at a Dollar General on the way because I kept having to empty my bladder. I just didn't want to have any contractions in front of random strangers because, well, that would be awkward!

When we arrived at the hospital, the L&D wing did not have a clean room for me, so I went to triage for monitoring while they prepared a room. Apparently the full moon had sent a lot of women into labor over the past couple of days and the hospital had been really busy! The monitoring confirmed that I was having strong, regular contractions, but the baby's heart rate was on the fast side, indicating that I needed to breathe more during contractions to ensure she was getting enough oxygen. I was dilated to 4 cm.  We got to a room and I decided to get in the tub again to help manage the pain. When that was no longer helping, I decided to give the shower a try. The hospital has awesome two-person showers with 3 shower heads on each side so that water hits you all over and feels really good when you're in labor. Unfortunately, the water temperature wasn't very warm for very long, and I ended up getting out to warm up and try something else.

M applied counter pressure to my hips while I leaned on Alex during contractions. My dad came by after he got off work around 6 pm and brought me Greek yogurt since I hadn't packed enough food to eat during labor and was hungry and needing energy. Several hours had passed since we'd arrived at the hospital and I was curious to know how much progress I had made, so we asked the nurse to check me. I was at 4.5 cm, just half a centimeter more than I had been 3 hours earlier. I was devastated. I began to cry and laid down on the bed and let it all out. My dad tried to encourage me and then decided to head home and I talked things over with M. We concluded that I had been tensing up my lower body during contractions instead of staying relaxed, which was keeping the contractions from being able to do their job, so I needed to try to stay loose in my hips and legs. After our chat, I got up to go to the bathroom for what seemed like the millionth time and I felt a pop and announced that I thought my water had broken. Sure enough, it had! It was 7:12 pm. This was a new experience for me since I had asked my doctor to break my water with Natalie and made it to 9 cm before he broke it. After my water broke, the nurse had to check me to make sure the baby's umbilical cord was not in the way and that the fluid was clear. I was dilated to 5 cm.

I sat on a birthing ball with M behind me providing that blessed counter pressure for the back labor and Alex in front for me to hold on to. I let my legs rest out in front of me with just my heels on the floor in an effort to keep my lower body relaxed. Sometimes, reclining at the waist and leaning into Alex that way felt better during contractions. It hurt so very badly! Having contractions in my belly was a new experience that I never had with Natalie, and there was nothing that helped take the edge off the pain. Strangely, pain medication was not tempting this time around like it had been with Natalie's labor. Maybe it was because I knew what my options were this time and I didn't want to be groggy from Stadol and didn't want a needle in my spine.

I went back to the bathroom, but felt the urge to push during the next contraction. M said that could be a good sign, indicating that I was "complete", but we would need the nurse to check me to make sure. She and the nurse, Misty, told me not to push, just in case I wasn't fully dilated yet because I could tear my cervix. I was dilated to 8 cm, I think. So, I had made quite a bit of progress since my water had broken and I'd starting staying relaxing my lower body. My doctor came by around 7:45 pm to check on me and said he was going to go eat "lunch", but would be back soon if I needed him. Not too long after he left, I was sitting on the edge of the bed with Alex behind me to lean back on and M sitting in front of me holding my legs, which suddenly felt like lead, too heavy for me to move myself. During one contraction, I'd ask her to keep my legs straight and the next, I'd beg for her to bend them and bring them up like they do when you're pushing. The next thing I know, during a contraction, my uterus takes over and starts pushing for me. I told M that I needed to push, but my body was doing it for me, that I couldn't control it. She got excited and got the nurse, who checked me and confirmed that I was complete! I was ready to push and it was only 8:30 p.m., a little over an hour since my dad had left and my water had broken!

It was all so surreal since I was more alert this time than I was with Natalie. With her labor, I was so exhausted from being awake for 32 hours by the time I started pushing that I was really zoned out. This time, I was tired for sure, but I wasn't falling asleep between contractions, and was more in tune with what was going on. I started out pushing while sitting upright (how I delivered Natalie), but after a while, I felt like I needed to change positions. Someone suggested I get on my hands and knees, so the nurses and M helped move me, but a contraction started halfway through, so I ended up pushing while lying on my side. After the contraction passed, they finished moving me to my hands and knees. I wrapped my arms around Alex's neck to help hold myself up. The doctor had given me two shots of numbing medicine just before I started pushing, and my legs and feet felt tingly like they were asleep. Pushing her out was soooo hard. It hurt like crazy despite the numbing medicine. I screamed for them to just get her out and finally, after 50 minutes of pushing, she was born.  It was 9:25 p.m.

I couldn't see her since I was on my knees still, but they told me she was blue and not breathing because her shoulders had gotten stuck for 2 minutes and that had essentially squished her lungs on the way out. They took her to the warming table and pumped air into her lungs. I kept thinking, "Breathe, Julia! Breathe!" Finally, she cried! What a wonderful noise! Her forehead down to her cheekbones was bruised and her eyes had broken blood vessels from the tight squeeze, but she was perfectly beautiful. After she started pinking up, the nurses laid her on my chest and covered her with a warm blanket to help bring her temperature up. Alex and I discussed what to name her, and I told him that I had been thinking of her as Julia as soon as she was on the warming table. The longer we held her and got to know her, the more we agreed that she was our Julia Kate.

After an hour or so of skin-to-skin time and bonding, the nurses took Julia to be weighed and measured. She weighed 8.0 lbs and was 19.25 inches long. The nurse told me that I wasn't allowed to ever have a bigger baby because of how Julia's shoulders got stuck in my small pelvis and how Natalie needed to be delivered using suction. I had semi-jokingly told Alex during labor that IF we decided to have more kids, we were adopting. Labor was so painful! I couldn't imagine going through it again, even if I chose to get an epidural next time. And after going through natural childbirth twice, I can't really imagine not going natural again because I still feel like it's the best choice for me and our babies. (Now that two weeks have gone by, I think I could do it all again if we do decide to have another baby someday, but I'm in NO hurry!) I had discussed the possibility of going home as soon as possible with my doctor, and he agreed that as long as I was feeling up to it, he would discharge us when we were ready. We arrived home when Julia was exactly 24 hours old. My parents and brother brought Natalie back home to meet us, and Natalie was bouncing off the walls, despite the fact that it was an hour past her bedtime. She held Julia for a second and then had had enough of that. It became clear that she was more than ready for bed, but thankfully, after a good night's sleep, she was happy to see her baby sister again in the morning.

We're adjusting about as well as can be expected. Julia started out as a great sleeper, but has been waking up more frequently during her second week of life. Natalie still climbs in bed with us in the middle of the night every night, which doesn't help with our sleep deprivation. Alex was on vacation last week and worked from home this week. Natalie still seems to be enjoying her sister with very few issues with sibling rivalry. I'm hopeful that she'll learn to be gentle in time. I'm so thankful for friends bringing us meals and not having to worry about planning and prepping dinner. Julia is nursing like a champ and gained a whopping 14 ounces in her first week! One of my close friends took newborn pictures for us, so I can't wait to share those when they're ready! My hormones haven't been nearly as crazy this time as they were with Natalie, so I can say that the transition from one kid to two has been much easier than becoming a parent for the first time, but it is definitely a challenge trying to juggle the kids, housework, sleep deprivation, and self-care. I ventured out of the house by myself with both girls yesterday and well, I am in NO hurry to do that again any time soon! Mercy! It is just exhausting to drag the kids, winter coats, the car seat, and the diaper bag in and out of the car. And add to that a baby who wants to eat every hour and a half to two hours so you end up feeding her in the dressing room at Walmart and you get a shopping trip that lasts much longer than you want it to! So there you have it! Congratulations if you managed to hang in there til the end!

Meet the Newest Member of Our Family!

We welcomed Julia Kate into our family on Thursday, January 16 at 9:25 p.m. She weighed 8.0 lbs and was 19.25 inches long.

We came home the following evening and have been settling in quite wonderfully! I am already so in love with her and can't quite get enough cuddles. Natalie is adjusting to her role as big sister with very little problem. I am so proud of her! Full birth story coming soon!

37 Weeks with Baby #2

I have been entirely too lazy with the belly pictures this time around. Weeks go by where I think about taking one and put it off again and again. I finally bit the bullet and took this one, and of course, it is fuzzy! 37 wks 3 days with still-nameless-baby-girl-Godin:

We put all the Christmas decorations away today because I was just too eager to get the baby gear out. Natalie immediately tried to climb into the baby's swing, but I convinced her to let her new baby doll go for a ride in it instead. She got a new doll for her birthday and is obsessed with it and enjoys trying to feed it her food, letting her sit in the booster seat, high chair, training potty, etc. I think she is going to really enjoy having a real baby in the house, but I am going to have to watch her like a hawk to make sure she doesn't do anything dangerous! Recently, a friend came over with her 2.5 month old baby and Natalie managed to pick the baby up off the couch when we were distracted. Talk about a heart attack!

Pregnancy has been enjoyable for the most part. My ribs have been behaving better recently and not causing me as much discomfort. Heartburn started up a couple weeks ago, but it's not horrible. Our last ultrasound at 35 weeks showed that this little one has hair like her big sister! My feet swell just a little bit at the end of days when I've been standing a lot, but that's not bad either. Over all, I feel really good. I just want this precious little one to be healthy and take her time. Well, maybe not too much time...41 or 42 weeks of pregnancy would surely test my emotional and physical strength! I feel very blessed to have a wonderful doctor who believes in God's intelligent design for a woman's body to successfully deliver babies and is supportive of my desire for a natural delivery. We're praying that our doula will be able to assist us in my labor despite having 3 other mothers due the same day as me. She made such a tremendous difference when I was laboring to bring Natalie into the world and we can't imagine going through labor again without her guidance.

These last few weeks are going to pass all too quickly. As excited and nervous and eager and anxious as I am to meet my new daughter, I do not want to be too busy or distracted by a to-do list or my own thoughts to spend quality time with Natalie before she has to share me with a sibling. Alex had to use up the last of his vacation time before the end of the year, so he is home with us until Jan 2 and then he'll be taking time off when the baby is born, so we have the opportunity now to make some good family memories with Natalie. She is at such a fun age, despite some recent challenges with nap and bedtime routines and general discipline. God is faithful and will give us the wisdom we ask for when dealing with her. I just really hope we ALL handle the coming transition smoothly. Sleep deprivation and hormone swings make me the most nervous, but it will all be ok. Millions of other mothers have gone through it before me, so I can get through it, too! Hallelujah!

How I Found Out About Baby #2

In case you missed it, here's the pregnancy reveal post I wrote yesterday. I'm writing this weeks before I'll actually publish this post so that I don't forget any details. Sometime after our miscarriage in January, I started having this feeling that our next baby would be due in January (2014). That thought just wouldn't go away. I wondered if it was God whispering to me about His plans for our family's future, but, to be honest, I still doubted because I didn't want to get my hopes up and be disappointed if things happened differently. That's how this whole waiting-to-get-pregnant process has been for me. It's like a repeating cycle of vulnerability, hope, anticipation, and then putting on protective armor to shield your heart from the pain of disappointment and uncertainty. This second time around has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but still not nearly as much as it was before I got pregnant with Natalie. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't stress out about it like that again this time because ultimately, things truly do work out in God's timing. I know my journey doesn't look like anyone else's journey. So, the month came when I knew that if I did get pregnant, we would have a January baby. And things just felt different in my heart. I had a stronger positive outlook. I kept the doubt at bay, for the most part (again, putting up that protective shield in case my "intuition" was wrong).

Well, on a Thursday night, two days before I had told myself that I would take a pregnancy test, I went to bed super early because I was just really tired, and then I woke up super nauseated when Alex came to bed later. I managed to fall back to sleep, but woke up again at 4 and was really sick. Like, stomach bug sick. Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take the pregnancy test at 4 a.m. Just a few seconds after the control line appeared, the test line appeared, forming that so deeply-desired plus sign.

Maybe it was because I physically felt so ill, but I didn't have nearly the same reaction this time as I did when I got a positive test with Natalie. I was excited and thanked God and vowed that I would not let my mind run wild, preventing me from sleeping the rest of the night (I still barely slept anyway because I kept getting sick). I think the thought of another early miscarriage happening a few days down the road probably factored in, too. After all, that was precisely why I was going to wait a few more days to test in the first place, but curiosity is a powerful thing!

After a rough night, my mom took Natalie later in the morning to help me out. I was pretty sure that I did indeed have a virus and not just really early on-set morning sickness, and tried to play it off as such to my parents. With Mother's Day just a little over a week away, I thought for sure that I could wait that long to surprise our moms with the news. And, I hadn't even told Alex yet! He'd been in a hurry to get to work that morning, so I figured it would be best to wait until after he got home so he wouldn't have the news of a new baby on his mind all day while he was trying to wrap up his work week.

My mom brought Natalie home for her nap and than a good friend took her to dinner before Alex got home so that I could rest some more. I wrote a quick note and taped it, along with the pregnancy test, to the cover of a baby name book I bought last summer and stuck them down in the most gender-neutral baby shower gift bag I had left from Natalie's baby showers. When Alex came home, I asked him to come sit next to me on the couch and he said, "But I don't want to catch whatever you have" and I said, "I don't think you can catch what I have" and I pulled the gift bag out and handed it to him. He was excited, but reserved about it being so early. Then he made a crack about having another winter baby. Oy vey. I just replied that if we had another girl, she could wear Natalie's hand-me-downs to save money and if we have a boy, well, we'd have to buy boy clothes anyway!

So there you have it! That's how I found out I was expecting baby #2!

11 months

I think it's safe to say that I'm in denial about my baby turning a year old next month. Just the thought of that makes me want to cry. My sister (whose kids are 7 and 9) said that I should be happy that we will have many more fun months ahead instead of being sad that the first 12 months are over. I know she's right, but I've been so deliberate about cherishing every moment and I just don't want to let the baby stage go yet. Here are a few highlights from Natalie's 11th month:

-First costume party (10/23)

-Natalie took a few steps using her push toy (10/25). Now she can take off behind that thing!

-Waves bye-bye more consistently
-started wearing size 4 shoes (and is already outgrowing them! Gee whiz, kid!) and wears more 18 mo clothes
-Said "Layla" (she loves her doggie!)
-Takes only 1 nap a day instead of 2 most days
-Ate french toast, fried chicken, refried beans, fish, coleslaw, turkey
-Loves to pull tissues out of the box, so I put scrap fabric in an empty wipes container and kept her busy for a good long time. Now she shows no interest in it whatsoever...

-Gets into dog food, crawls further away from us into other rooms, so we're constantly on our toes!

-First tooth finally popped through on 11/4! I'm so thankful that teething has not been difficult for Natalie. Other than her drooling for the 2 weeks prior, she has not been fussy or had difficulty sleeping with that first tooth. Alex just happened to stick his finger in her mouth and felt the tip of the tooth poking through her gums, otherwise we wouldn't have even realized it had happened! She did bite my finger very hard a few hours before we made "the discovery"...that should have been a big clue!
-Second tooth popped through the gums on 11/13. This one caused more fussiness and a nearly-sleepless night (she woke up at 11 and stayed up til 1, then woke up at 5:20 and 6:30).
-Took first steps on 11/14!!! My mom came over spur-of-the-moment, so we decided to let Natalie stay up a few extra minutes to see Grandma and, low and behold, she took 3 or 4 steps towards Grandma, twice! She'd been playing with Alex on the floor and he told me to look quickly because she was standing on her own for an extended period of time. Them my mom arrived and Natalie raised her arms up in the air and said a "word" that started with the "g" sound, so it was like she was saying "Grandma". So cute. Then mom sat on the couch with her arms outstretched and the magic happened and baby girl was on the move!
-First sickness/fever 11/18-11/20. She was so pitiful after waking up with a fever. We sat on the couch and cuddled all day and she took 4 naps! Then the next day she seemed more like her normal self until early afternoon when the fever struck again. A day after her fever broke, she broke out in a rash on her trunk and face (roseola) which lasted two days, but she didn't seem to be bothered by it.
-Started weaning, so now she nurses between 3 and 5 am, at breakfast (around 9 am), and at bedtime.

This child has the biggest smile and the sweetest personality. One minute she is giggling while petting and hugging the dog and the next she is dancing to music and smiling a huge grin from behind her paci. I can't get enough of her! She loves her daddy and immediately reaches for him when he wakes up in the morning and when he gets home from work. I'm so thankful for the bond that they share. She was in her high chair eating her dinner when Alex walked in from work the other night and he went in another room to put his laptop away and she started crying and would not take another bite of food until he came back to get her. So sweet. They usually have lots of tickle and play time in the living room while I finish cooking dinner. That's the best "music" to listen to while you're working around the house!

Another cute story (because who can resist those!?): Alex and I were scooping out some ice cream for ourselves after dinner, so he sat Natalie on the counter right there next to the ice cream. She grabbed the lid and held it up to her mouth and licked the ice cream off! Girl knows where the good stuff is!

I think we have some attitude issues to deal with, but I feel lost dealing with an 11 month old. Any suggestions are welcome! She just screeches or screams when she doesn't get her way (usually when she's tired or in the middle of the night, but sometimes during the day when she's wide awake and just being rotten). I've been giving in to her during the night because I want to get sleep myself and with her being sick, I wanted her to get as much milk from me as possible to boost her immune system. Part of me wants to cut her off at night and make her go 12 hours without nursing because 1) I know she can last that long because she has done it when she's slept with us and I'm right next to her. I know she's just using me as a pacifier when she sleeps in her room and wakes up at 3 or 4 or 5 am wanting to nurse,  2) I'm just ready to get a night of uninterrupted sleep and 3) I want to wean her shortly after her birthday, but it seems like at this point she's never going to give up that early morning feeding and it's easier to just feed her and be awake for 15 minutes than let her cry forever! The child will cry for 2 hours. This mama's heart can't take crying for 2 hours.The last thing I want to do is give in her every demand and teach her that this behavior is ok!

Well, I think that's enough of a summary of the past month of our lives! Alex and I are still in awe of God's blessings to us. We thoroughly enjoy having Natalie in our lives and want to drink in every bit of her sweetness. Every day brings new learning experiences for all of us. There's never a dull moment!

What Lies Beneath

On the surface, my life might seem perfect. People have even told me so. I am incredibly blessed with a loving husband who works hard to provide for us to allow me to stay at home, a precious daughter, parents who are still married (to each other), a home with room to grow. I thank God often for pouring out His blessings on me when I do not deserve them. But, despite what things look like on the surface, there are not-so-perfect things lurking deeper inside.

I hate that I struggle with having compassion, gossiping, judging, negativity, generosity. I wish I would keep my mouth shut when I hear the Holy Spirit prompt me to remain silent.

It's so easy for me to jump to conclusions about someone else's life and be critical of them, even though I know that I will be judged with the same measure that I judge them (Matthew 7:2: "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."). This is an area that I really want to work on. I have no idea what other people are going though, what their motives and intentions are. They are accountable to God for their own lives and I'm accountable for mine.

Take motherhood for example. Before Natalie was born, I would observe other mothers' interactions with their children and think about how I would follow their lead or act differently than them when I had my own children. I had so many ideas about how I would raise Natalie. I was going to be consistent, she was going to be well-behaved, I was never going to let her have sugar, she would be on a schedule, she would never watch tv. Once she was born, I quickly realized that motherhood was very different and much harder than I expected. At 10 months old, she is stubborn and sometimes needs to be corrected numerous times before finally being obedient (I'm sure this is very normal since she was not born knowing right from wrong, but silly me expected to have given birth to a perfect child who obeyed the first time. You are so naive, Amanda! I give you full permission to laugh at me!). She has never stuck to a schedule, nor do I know how to get her on one, but we have survived thus far. We have given her tastes of cake and ice cream, pie, brownies, and other sweets on many occasions. We do occasionally turn on Sesame Street when she is having trouble winding down for a nap or bedtime, but we do not use the tv as a babysitter. Despite re-evaluating my expectations, I don't feel like a failure as a mother (although I have my moments), but how foolish and wrong I was to ever judge other mothers for the decisions that they made! Sometimes it's simply a difference in personality that causes us to interact with our children the way we do. It's not that one way is right and one is wrong. One approach is not "good" or "bad". We each must do what we feel is best for our children, for our families, for our own sanity! More importantly, we must do what God has called us to do. My calling is not the same as the mom sitting next to me in the church nursery. Hers is not the same as the mom standing next to her in the grocery store. But each is as important in the eyes of God as the other.

The bottom line is, when I look at someone and jump to conclusions about what their life must be like based on their outward appearance, I need to stop and remind myself that they are a work in progress just like me, and that I don't know the first thing about what is going on in their life or in their heart. Maybe instead of judging them, God wants me to bless them. How can I be a blessing, if my heart wants to criticize them? Take a look in the mirror, woman! You don't have it all together either! Thank you, God, for not giving up on me! "For He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion..." Phillipians 1:6

Growing Up!

Natalie had her 6-month check-up last week. She weighed 17 lbs (70th percentile) and was 27.25 inches tall (just above the 90th percentile). Despite having her nap cut short, she was really content during our time in the waiting room and during the check up. She really enjoyed playing with the paper on the exam table :)

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I've been putting off introducing solids to her because of a family history of food allergies, but we have given her just a taste of a few things here and there. While we were visiting my parents recently, they had a little too much fun letting her sample some blackberry juice from a cobbler my mom had made.

After her check-up, we decided to give her a little more than a taste of veggies for the first time. I pureed some zucchini that we ate for dinner and Alex let her have at it.

By the end of dinner, she'd had enough and was ready for bed!

A friend was feeding her daughter some "puffs" the other day and gave me some for Natalie, but she kept gagging and nearly choking on them, so I decided to steer clear of them for the time being. I know the whole gagging thing is normal since they aren't used to having anything with texture in their mouths, but watching your beloved child react that way is kind of scary for a new mom! Natalie loves to mooch water from your cup, so I kept dropping water in her mouth from a straw, much to her delight. These days, sippy cups with water are good entertainment for her while I try to cook dinner, too.

She's quite a ham. Everything within her reach is fair game. She spilled ice water on me at Cracker Barrel yesterday morning and then slapped her hand on some chocolate dessert that Alex was trying to eat today. There's never a dull moment in our house! It's a lot of fun to experience all of Natalie's firsts with her and not miss anything. She's changing so quickly and I'll have a mobile baby on my hands before I know it! I don't think I'm quite ready for that!

Life As A New Mom

Natalie is two and a half weeks old and I feel like my world has been turned upside down. Hormones, baby blues, sleep deprivation, breast-feeding complications have all contributed to the chaos that is now my life. I know that things will get better as we all adjust to this new lifestyle, but it has been harder than I ever imagined. We were so blessed for Alex to be able to stay home with us this long, but he returns to work tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to it. I like having his company during the day and love being together as a family. We're both learning how to parent together and can bounce ideas off one another whenever something comes up. Like how we're going to get our sweet baby girl to sleep at night instead of staying up to party.

It was only by God's grace that I survived 21 hours of natural childbirth and it will only be by God's grace that I get through this transition and the rest of my life as a mom. I am so grateful for the help of my husband, parents and in-laws who have spent countless hours at our house cleaning, cuddling the baby, holding me while I cry, and just being wonderful help. I am also so grateful for all our friends and church family that have brought us food for the past two weeks. I couldn't even begin to think about grocery shopping much less planning and cooking dinner until now.

I always thought I'd be a natural at motherhood, but I'm quickly discovering how much I have to learn. I'm sure I'll be learning things daily from now until forever, but that's ok as long as God gives me the wisdom I've so desperately been praying for. He is faithful and with His help we'll be able to endure sleepless nights, exhausting days and everything in between.